Whoaaaaaaa ….. busy dusting away the cobwebs …. this is going to be a tough one …. plenty of cobwebs to break through !

Dear blog … remember me ? Your creator ? What is that ? You can not quite remember ? hmmm. Not too surprising. The inspiration was simply not there. The words were not appearing. Any attempt at writing was promptly deleted.

BUT…… I AM BACK BABY ! Let’s get this rolling again !

One year.

It’s been one full year since I left Cape Town. And it has taken just about a year to complete a full circle and quite unexpectedly return to Cape Town. I’ve been on an amazing journey … I had and still have so many lessons to learn. Pleasant, difficult, fun, sad and life changing lessons crossed my path and it might still take a while to process it all, but we are processing. We (me, myself, I of course) are on a road of discovery and embracing the angels that are crossing our path, continuously attempting to comprehend and fight the demons, one step and one day at a time.

It is inevitable that people get left behind on these journeys, but at the same time I know that the true connections that were formed will never be lost, for that is something that time and distance can never erase.

There are no regrets and the future might seem uncertain right now, and the real journey might only be starting now … but it has honestly been a while since I have felt so at peace with myself, the way I feel today, following through on the right decisions for me.

Another christmas, another festive season, another year is gone. What a year 2008 has been ! My whole life was reshuffled … I certainly lived up to my motto “The only constant in my life is change”.
Willing changes, forced changes, positive changes, difficult changes, unexpected changes, brave changes … The list might go on but I am embracing them and believe that they were all for the greater good of my little universe. 2008 will certainly go down in the history books as the year of change for me !

And just like that, the first week of the new year is gone already … another reminder that we should always live for the moment … because if you dare to blink your eyes, the moment is gone forever and you might just regret it.  Yesterday is gone, tomorrow will get here on its own, the moment that counts is right now !

I enjoyed reading another Paulo Coelho book on the plane back to South Africa, and as usual, Coelho’s superb writing left me with so much food for thought …
The Alchemist is a story about a boy who has a dream and the courage to follow it. We read about his adventures and growth in his search for his ‘Personal Myth’.

Extracts from the Alchemist that left me pondering …

“Treasure lies where your heart belongs…”
“Simple things are the most valuable and only wise people appreciate them”

I always jokingly say that I get what I want … and when there is something that I truly want … I usually get it … making me appreciate this line from Coelho’s book :

“When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true”

o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o

Every person on earth has the need to be happy, find fulfillment and understand their purpose on this earth. The secret to finding harmony on earth is to realize that this will be manifested in a different way for each person, and that everyone should be allowed to find happiness, fulfillment and purpose without judgement. Some people need stability and routine, others thrive on chaos.

Following your dreams will lead you on a road of self discovery beyond your wildest imagination … a path that is not always easy or understood, a path that will stretch you, throw you out of your comfort zone and bring about personal growth beyond measure.

Once again, dreams will be followed in different ways … and what is my path ?
I only need to listen to my heart. My home is truly where my heart belongs, and I find fulfillment in filling a tiny piece of my heart in every location, moment or memory on earth that truly made me happy. My heart will tell me when it is content to stay and when it is time to move on, and may the day never arrive when I stop hearing the call of my heart.

Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with stacks of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman’s progress. In his hand, he carried a heavy wooden cane.
Each morning, he asked her the same question: “Have you learned everything there is to know yet?” Each morning her answer was the same “No,” she said, “I haven’t”. The guru would then strike her over the head with his cane.
This scenario repeated itself for months. One day the guru entered the cave, asked the same question, heard the same answer, and raised his cane to hit her in the same way, but the woman grabbed the cane from the guru, stopping his assault in mid-air.
Relieved to end the daily batterings but fearing reprisal, the woman looked up at the guru. To her surprise, the guru smiled. “Congratulations,” he said, “you have graduated. You now know everything you need to know.”
“How is that?” the woman asked.
“You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know,” he replied. “And you have learned to stop the pain.”

– Author Unknown

And I have returned to my home town. Strange does not quite describe it. I’m trying to figure out when it hit me that I have returned.

It was not at Cape Town Airport, taking 2 screaming cats through security checks and sending them off to the cargo department.

It was not after take-off, taking in the breathtaking sight of Table Mountain towering over Cape Town and the harbour in all it majestic glory just after dawn.

It was not during the approach to the runway at OR Tambo airport in Johannesburg.

It was not during the hour long drive from the airport to Vanderbijlpark.

And then it happened. The things that made me realize that I am back.

Having to wait for some cattle to cross the highway leading into town, it made me burst into uncontrollable laughter and I thought “This is it. I have returned home.”

A delicious lamb stew for lunch, like only mother can make it, with the oh-so-necessary nap after lunch to aid in the digestion of a heavy meal.

Afternoon tea with a slice of my favourite carrot cake (like mom makes it ) about 5 minutes after I woke up from my nap.

Yes. I am back. At least for now.

Just when I needed something uplifting I stumbled across a scrapbook layout created last year. Little did I know what is in store for me back when I wrote this letter … and tonight I am pleased to find inspiration in my own words.

Love yourself young girl.

You do not have to be like everyone else. It is ok not to fit in with people that do not share your dreams and passions. You are not different, you are unique, and all you ever have to be, is the best you that you can possibly be.

Being a dreamer is not a bad thing. Know that one day you’ll connect to your dreams once again and start living them.
Until then, learn the lessons that life is teaching you, make the most out of every situation. And no matter how terrible things might seem, you’ll get through it.You’ll make it and you’ll be stronger, wiser, happier than you were before. Know that you are on course.

One day you’ll look back and realize this, but until that day, don’t stop believing in your dreams, in yourself. It’s worth it, you’ll see.

You can not always choose what will happen in your life, but you can always choose how you will handle it. In the end, you are in control of your emotions. How I wish that I can fast forward the time so that you can be here right now, just for a moment, just to know that you have nothing to fear from the future.

Do not let other people project their fears onto you.One day you will not be afraid any more. But perhaps you learned to conquer your fears at the right time, when you were ready and strong enough to do it.
Do not mull over the regrets you have.
Realize that everything that will happen to you was meant to be and will make you the woman you will become one day.

Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate, do not procrastinate.
This is what will keep you from reaching your full potential.
This is what will make you look back and regret the things you didn’t do.
But when you realize all this, know for sure that it is not too late to live your dreams

A friend so dear
for so long we were not near
Though time was not on our side
memories will forever be vast and wide

We are never truly apart
you have your special place in my heart
You are watching over me
and forever I know that is where you will be.

In loving memory of my dearest Cornè (May ‘75 - Aug ‘02)

Why is it that I tend to only remember the photographed events ? The most memorable moments are often those without the pictures …

It was 1999, a *daring* team building exercise and I can remember the excitement, the doubts, the fears …

What an amazing experience it was … the doubt crept in when we were taken through the preparation and my ‘mind’ did not play along. We were holding a ball on a piece of string between thumb and forefinger and had to ‘move’ the string backwards and forwards in our minds. After 5 minutes mine was the only one not moving. I was told that I am ruining the experiment (tongue in cheek of course) and that the point to be proven here is that everyone was actually starting to move their fingers and that is why the ball is moving … illustrating that sometimes you think your mind is controlling something but it still require some physical involvement. By now I was a bit concerned that my ‘mind’ would not be able to tell me that the coals are cool !

But standing in front of those coals … facing them and then taking the first step, doing the actual walk, crushing them under my feet, getting to the other side and not being burned. It didn’t feel like glowing coals … it felt liberating and uplifting.

So what am I on about ?

Just that sometimes things are not as they seem.

And sometimes things do no turn out as expected.

And sometimes, it is time to face the firewalk. Whatever may be.

After all, if we avoid the fire, how will we ever know ?

The acomodador or giving-up point. An event in your life that is responsible for you failing to progress. “It can be a trauma, a defeat, a disappointment in love that has lead us to loose our courage in life. The development of our self-awareness can only proceed if we can liberate ourselves from the ‘acomodador’ “

Another bit of inspiration from a remarkable book by Paulo Coelho. Is it possible to read his work and not be touched in some way ? Usually a personal-beyond-comfort kind of way.

I read The Zahir just over a week ago on a plane from Dubai to Cape Town. The pages kept turning and as the plane was touching down on the runway there were 20 pages to go - I couldn’t wait to get home to finish the book.

And of course the acomodador has been playing on my mind ever since … So many things that I have started just to drop it too quickly. Too many regrets about things left hanging in the air. Time to tackle these things again. Perhaps I will share them some time. But I have taken the first step … even a few more …

It has been identified. And I’m liberating myself from it.

No thoughts on why it is not possible. No procrastinating. No stagnating.

Just do.